It’s been a while since I have written. Ah but the level of accomplishment I am feeling these days is very high. I moved into a nice apartment in a quiet spot in Boulder with my fly-boy. Though he is still off traveling and fighting fire, he had a few days off to come move in and hang out (which was a total surprise). Financially I feel secure for the first time possibly ever. I am able to pay my portion of rent, tuition, normal bills, medical debt, and am considering adding a car payment (eek!).
Being back in school is fantastic & fueling my brain, I’ve missed this feeling. What I find most interesting, is that over these three years of self educating without a formal structure or institution to respond to, returning to it all I almost feel like I am better at it. I have no issue sitting through a lecture, asking questions, communicating with my professors, going home and doing assignments on time. Coincidence or correlation unknown, I am feeling very positive about this final leg of my undergrad.
My first salaried job & two months in I get a promotion. I am feeling really good about my role with the company and feeling even better that it is a local, family owned, sustainable farm-to-table group. Ridding the corporate standards and pressures from my life have made me a much happier person.
It was a tough year. I am breathing easier, waking happier, and walking brighter.
"Everything works out in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end"’
I don’t want to complain, because I mean, I am lucky to have a job, let alone two, which pay better than most. However, after working 60+ hours for three weeks in a row, yet still not having accumulated any savings, is rather frustrating. Housing deposits, college application fees, and various medical bill payments have left me scraping by yet again this month.
Anyway, it sucks. And I am tired. Cheers to the government and their new education debt program, though.
Also, sorry for all of the commas.
today I submitted my first university application in three years. I’ve never wanted anything more. Fingers crossed over the next few weeks of wonder. I’m hoping things will start to go the way I wanted them to all along, and that I just took the scenic by-way to get there.
hardly slept last night. three separate dreams of you dying in different ways was absolute terror. I woke up crying twice in fear that something had truly happened to you. the real fear that lingered in the morning when I realized they were just dreams: how much you mean to me.
what. are. you. making me feel like this?